relationships

Sighhh.

This week has been both physically and emotionally draining.

On one hand, I've been working all week at a trapshoot tournament with a bunch of friends.  We've laughed, played pranks, and been annoying to each other all week... and all around had a good time.  And on the plus side, today was pay day.  Now I feel at least somewhat able to afford the majority of my summer wardrobe. I've had several friends graduate and got to hang out with lots of old friends, build new connections, and have some good conversations with some people I really enjoy.

The other half of this week has been rough.  My mom has been gone on a solo vacation for the past two weeks.  Although we've been doing fine without her, I'm ready for her to come home.  I'm tired of doing the little things that I normally don't have to do when she's here.  And to be honest, I miss her.  Besides that, I feel like I've been a roller coasters ride of sorts trying to address some things in my life that I normally don't like to think about.

Here comes a true depressing fact: relationships are hard.

I've realized that more than ever today.  In fact, this idea that relationships are hard has hit me like a ton of bricks over the past 24 hours.  Have you ever taken someone for granted??  You value them above anything, but you don't realize their worth until you feel like they're slipping away.  And then you don't realize that it's happening until it's already happened.  Or you're cruising along in life just trying to maintain the status quo in fear that if you bring up issues, the whole world will explode.

I've come to realize that I love people.  I know the best, most precious friends in the world.  But there are times when I feel absolutely helpless.  Like I don't know if it's me that needs to change, or them.  And the times when it's clear that the other person needs to change, it's difficult to keep loving them beyond their inability to see their own need to change.

I've come to realize for myself that one of the key ways to work through a relationship is communication.  But it takes two people to communicate.  I can't do it all on my own.  That's where the helplessness sets in.  I believe that it's better to talk about it than to sweep it under the carpet and bury it.  But the other person has to believe that too.

And of course, there's Christ's example of patience, forgiveness, grace, and love.  I of all people need more and more of Jesus in my relationships.  The times when I'm frustrated, hurt, confused, and lost... those are the times when I need to think and act like Him, in all His love and faithfulness.

And something else that I've been convicted of lately... don't ever give up on a relationship.  Even if it seems impossible, and you can never heal what's been hurt, I think there can always be restoration.

Trust me, I've given up before.  In fact, I still have given up.  But I want to change that.  I want to have hope.  I want to believe in healing and harmony.  I don't know if or when that will happen, but I know it's possible by the grace of God.

So I'm praying for it everyday until it does.